The best way I think they should deal with it is to tell someone. The person being abused and the abuser should go through counseling so they can open up and talk about their problems. In addition, it is up to the abuser to change their ways while going through counseling. If they don't change their ways, then i guess the only right thing to do is to punish them by sending them to prison if it gets to that point. However, if it's a family issue, maybe from going to counseling the counselor can recommend to the parents to give their child up for adoption. Parents are suppose to love, care and provide food for their child. If the parent can't do that, then maybe another family can.
Kids and teens deserve to be loved and respected. If they are being abused they shouldn't be afraid to tell someone. There will always be someone there for them who will understand what they are going through. Same goes for the abuser, if they are going to express their anger they shouldn't express it through abusing, they should express it in counseling by talking about their problems. If they keep it to themselves the problem may get worst. To me, i think the only way to deal with this situation is to go through counseling.
Hey KEVIN! From reading your essay, I can tell that you are pro.
ReplyDeleteOk..so here i GO!
For your first sentence, you should keep "teens" constant. For example:
Being a teen in today's society is already hard. TEENS tend to be stressed out from school, home or from friends. For some teens today, they are experiencing being abused.
As for overall, I think you need FACTS to support your ideas on how teen abuse should be dealt with. Maybe you could look up some statistics on how counseling is more beneficial than punishment is. It would be great if you could connect facts with your ideas.
All in all... GOOD JOB KEVIN :)
hey kevin(:
ReplyDeletei think you should start with a better opener to your introduction, it almost sounds as if your paper is on teen stress… possibly a statistics to child abuse, or a real story of teen abuse?
Like isabelle said, keep constant with the third-person point of view, because it can't be assumed that 'we' are always teens. Although, be careful of redundancy… writing the word 'teens' in every sentence gets to repetitive sometimes and starts to sound weird.
You have some good points in this essay, but you need to remember that our topic is on punishment versus counseling… and you can't punish the victim. So, the punishment versus counseling is for the law offender/abuser. Please revise your essay and thesis to fit this instead.
Don't say things like 'maybe' (instead say like 'in most cases', or better yet, find real statistics)
don't say 'I think' or 'i guess', this is a pro/con essay and an opinion is not a fact that will defend your side. Find actual facts that can be sited, you can reference them from inside your essay.
here's a site you should use for organization (http://spot.pcc.edu/~mmcdowel/comp/comprothbellthumbs.pdf) it starts off with acknowledging the opposing side, then rebuts it with 3 (but you only need 2) facts and specific details.
I like the second sentence of your third paragraph, perhaps you could expand on that (i know theres a statistic out there for that one… check this site http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics)
And lastly, write a real conclusion(: all you need to do is sum up your points (in different words of course) or follow up on what you stated in the introduction
good job kevin, but lots of work ahead of you(:
korie