Cassava Bibingka
Waking up on a bright and sunny Saturday morning, the sweet aroma of something baking in the oven downstairs lingered in the air. Taking a big whiff, the smell started to make my mouth water. Making my way down stairs and peeking my curious head into the kitchen, i see a pan of a desirable dessert underneath the hot oven light. "Mom, is that what i think it is?" i asked in a investigative way. She just glanced at me and smiled while mixing another batch of her cassava bibingka.
Watching my mom grate the cassava into thin short pieces, made me pop questions into my head like "Who taught her how to make it" or "How does she make it so delicious and perfect?".
Observing her techniques of mixing the liquid ingredients first separately from the dry ingredients made me realize that maybe that's why her recipe is "ma sarap"(Filipino word for good/delicious) I watched in awe as my mother stirred liquid and dry concoctions into a beautiful light yellow blend. She then poured the mixture into the pan and set it beside the first batch in the oven. "MOM, this agonizing! I can't wait anymore." i told her. Patiently waiting for the oven timer to reach zero, i try to do my homework to distract me from that mouth watering sensation sitting in the oven. "Beep, beep, beep!" Finally it's done! As my mom takes it out of the oven, she tells me to leave it alone till it cools down. Secretly when she walks away, i cut a piece out and eat it. I only had one word in my head to describe this wonderful dessert, " ma sarap! ".
Watching my mom grate the cassava into thin short pieces, made me pop questions into my head like "Who taught her how to make it" or "How does she make it so delicious and perfect?".
Observing her techniques of mixing the liquid ingredients first separately from the dry ingredients made me realize that maybe that's why her recipe is "ma sarap"(Filipino word for good/delicious) I watched in awe as my mother stirred liquid and dry concoctions into a beautiful light yellow blend. She then poured the mixture into the pan and set it beside the first batch in the oven. "MOM, this agonizing! I can't wait anymore." i told her. Patiently waiting for the oven timer to reach zero, i try to do my homework to distract me from that mouth watering sensation sitting in the oven. "Beep, beep, beep!" Finally it's done! As my mom takes it out of the oven, she tells me to leave it alone till it cools down. Secretly when she walks away, i cut a piece out and eat it. I only had one word in my head to describe this wonderful dessert, " ma sarap! ".
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteThe way you describe it makes me want cassava bibingka now! :D haha. Your essay includes some sensory details, but i think you should add just A LITTLE more. like for example: you said "desirable dessert" that's a good adjective, but it doesn't SHOW how desirable it is. (notice how i put SHOW in capital letters) also, when you said "dry and liquid ingredients" you didn't say how "liquid-y" or "dry" it is. describing them would help a whole lot. your purpose isn't just to tell the story, you have to "show" it too, in other words, the reader can see the picture of what you are trying to say. Uhm, try to make your essay a little longer, perhaps? Hmm, some of your i's aren't capitalized... so make sure you do capitalize it in your final essay. In the second to the last sentence you wrote the word 'till, i guess its okay to write that... but if i were you, i would've wrote the word 'until'. i like how you added the filipino phrase "ma sarap" in there, especially in the last sentence :)
other than that, AWESOME JOB, kev-o! ;]
Hey Kevin!
ReplyDeleteok down to business. You have a great word usage. I like the "ma sarpap":D Other than that, you need to fully describe how the dessert tastes, smells, and looks like. Capitalize some of your i's You should divide your writing into more paragraphs so that the reader can understand every part of your story.
I find a lot of potential in this story. All you have to do is bring it out by descrybing and emphasizing on the tinest parts. But altogether, you did a gread job.
Hi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteSounds like cassava bibingka is a delicious dessert
I agree with your teammates, Czarina and Isabelle that you need more detail. You use general words like “dry and liquid ingredients.” It would be much stronger to name the ingredients.
You introduce good questions in the essay about who taught your mom to make the dish and how she perfects it…but you never answer those questions. There is not too much material from the interview that you did.
Your commenters were pretty accurate in reminding you to show, not tell. Isabelle and Czarina—do not tell someone to just make an essay longer. You need to specify what is missing…in this case, Kevin is missing the actual steps of making the dish and also missing the details from his memories of the dish and of his family that are necessary to a roots and recipes project.
And I looked up cassava…it’s a root….you guys were telling me it’s another mochi, but I don’t think that’s accurate. Kevin talks about his mother grating the cassava, and that is, indeed, how it is handled.
mrs s